Life,  Reflection

See You When It’s All Over

I started writing this on March. Only to reopen and publish it on May. I guess as this pandemic changed and normalized the way we live our lives, I decided to take a step back from many different old things and a step forward for many different new things.

This post was intended to be a letter for my future self. Reminding that life is short, and unpredictable, and how we always have to prepare for the worst. To never be arrogant, and to realize that humans are weak and little, and so stay humble. For when you think you’re the sky while you’re just 2 steps off the ground.

Written in March

The title is dramatic, I know. But due to this social-distancing stuffs going on, I have never been more creative. Most of the recent headlines have always been about Covid-19 lately. Covid-19 became everyone’s center of attention, became one of the centers of my attention too. I always wake up in the morning, turn on my iPad, read what’s happening on the Flipboard application. The increasing death counts, although some nations have partial success on flattening the curve, it is still frightening here, where the count have just recently started but keep on doubling the numbers whenever the numbers changed.

Indonesia has just reported our first two cases on March 2nd, and today, March 19th, it is reported that there are 227 confirmed cases, although the remaining untested remains unknown.

It is terrifying, the past one week has been scary and moving in an action-movie-fast-paced manner, where one hour difference can make everyone changed their future plans.

It was January, when my two friends and I decided to attend another accounting competition, two more before they’re planning to “retire” in this accounting competition business, but this one is in DIY Jogjakarta, Indonesia, held by the accounting major Universitas Atmajaya. We’ve planned everything and prepared. We bought our plane tickets to depart on March 11th until March 15th, 2020.

Around one month before the departure, my mother called and asked me not to attend any conferences nor competitions nor any gatherings and events on the upcoming months. I protested.We’ve prepared everything and I couldn’t possibly bailed on my own commitment and responsibility to the team, the university that has trusted me, and also Universitas Atmajaya as the organized. I protested and my mom understood, there wasn’t any case about Covid-19 in Indonesia anyway.

However, since March 2nd, the news about the situation got scarier each day. Our university’s head of department asked about our readiness to depart and compete. Coincidentally, Nanna also had a competition to attend in the same region as I did. Her head of department also asked the same question. It was March 10th. We all still agreed to go and compete. There were already 27 confirmed patients of the Covid-19.

Written in May

It is now day 65. Confirmed case in Indonesia has exceeded 20,000 people. This is the first Ramadan I spent without my friends, closest people other than my own family.

I spend most days doing school work, or organizational things I needed to do. I workout, trying to lose a kilo or two. I try writing poetries but somehow they don’t sound as sweet as they used to. I spend most days planning. Planning all the things I want to do after this whole pandemic ends. But one of the crucial things to have while you plan is time. Which–now, is unpredictable. How can I plan when I don’t even know when will this going to be over?

So I stopped planning, and instead I start living. Accepting that this is the “new normal”, continuing what I have started before. I start my day by washing my face, brushing my teeth, and smile in front of the mirror, practicing. Just in case the lecturer asks me why am I missing, I can just turn on the camera and tell him that I am here.

I miss my friends. I found myself texting old friends. Simply wondering how they are. Whether they are safe and have found a shelter or simply a roof on top of their head to sleep at night during this pandemic. I hope everyone is okay, and take a step back, and move forward, use this time to rest, take care of yourself.

I will see you when it’s all over.

Love,

Bulan

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